Entradas

Goodbye

https://mysteriousgrowinguniverse.wordpress.com/ this is my new blog
I will be sharing myself here, not daily I think
It's in spanish!! I find so much beauty in spanish, goodbye!!!!

12th day

I am very estable right now. What do I mean with estable? Well not that I am feeling good and I am enjoying the moment, it's more like... I know the direction, I know there is a path, even if I have moments like this where I don't see it, I know it's there, it's opening, I am finding it again, or maybe I feel like I am not there for any reason, there are a lot of factors that can lead me to stay a bit off or just 'normal', so I am estable right now, and that doesn't mean I am happy and feeling good, I am estable because I have the awareness of what I am experiencing to be existence right now, and I would make a mistake if I think that the whole existence is how I am experiencing myself right now. Raul just don't do something you will regret, an extreme example of something I would regret it's drugs, but really I was not even close to that, I was more in... don't sell your awareness, don't sell your soul to anything that abstract you from the…

11th day

Hello, I am just here sharing what comes to me, nothing more and nothing less than that. Today I had a bad experience when I woke up this morning after getting highly drunk the night before with my friends, it was... I had fear and I was angry too, because with the alcohol still in my body I felt very lost, I was like, who am I? I just woke up and the past days I woke up and I did something but I wake up this time and there is nothing here, this is the life, this is my mind. In this particular state I felt: who am I? Why trust desteni about being against my own mind? I felt a dead of my spirit. This process is not really about desteni, it's about myself. I find that desteni helps my heart, in the sence that it can fly higher! It's more independent, and not like I am independent because I need it because I desire to be this, it's more like a true state of being that you get nothing from.  So now I have clear why I have trusted desteni, why I have changed in the last months,…

10th day

So I was thinking that in my life I have been very sad, as a child. I would justify that sadness with a lot of things I desired to be and I could not be, and in that sadness I would for example imagine me already as a grown up person, for example with 20 years, and imagining what would I say to myself in that moment. Do you know what I used to imagine? For example... a person saying you must work very hard or you will be a failure! you must be more than you are! And at the same time, sometimes I imagined that future me deffending me from the people hurting me. It's curious how I did't notice what I was doing to myself, in one hand I was saying pain to myself becuase it's the reality, and in the other hand I was deffending myself because that's what I wanted my future self for, to protect me and help me.

Now that I am a mature person, I would say something so beautiful to that child, that he would cry, it would be like exactly those words he has never spoken, the same e…

9th day

Today I woke up in a particular state of mind. I always wake up in my mind, because for me to understand what is going on in the moment I wake up my mind must start to work and create, must be very interesting if one day I just wake up and I am in absolute silence, but it's not what happens to me, it's more like I wake up my perception of reality wakes up after that and then slowly I start look at it and its nature changes, sometimes it changes completely, that's when I am spired and powerfull and I open a lot of points, other times it changes partially, and I have an altered state of mind during the day, it's not an absolute mind state, but a mind state after all, and within that obviously I experiment no fredom to create solutions, the get out of the cages of perceptions and assumptions. And this in a moment changes when I listen to sunnete interviews or I see content of desteni or blogs, it brings me fredom! So I am gonna stop seeing content, to grow my own internal…

8th day!

I was thinking about how I used to suffer because of my mind and my energies experiences, what one thinks that is what is going on in existence. How I used meditation and spirituality to escape from that, how when in the days I used to stop reading the beautiful words my mind would start to suffer again and I would feel fear, fear of going to the same state of a locked mind I could not handle alone. So I was thinking about how with desteni I understood the real answer, responsability, and how I still have that mark that I used to feel months ago and during my whole life, a mark of... you are not free, there is no solution, you are powerless, and I covered this sensation with a lot of things in my life. With desteni I stopped having fear and accepted my own responsability. I had already stopped consuming drugs before I found these people so they came in the best moment possible. I used to think nah, this way top stop suffering, this view about my mind in a free state from this bad perc…

Seventh day

I am going to a jazz concert and I almost forget to write myself so I am typing from my phone and this one will be short.

I am learning, or remembering, aswell as discovering who I really am in every breath. Oness and equality is a very beautiful concept and it means a lot for me, when at the same it means the nothingness that is me, the real nothingness.

I have listened to almost the entire serie of what is sex, and I am learning a lot, veey helpfull because sex was a big source of energy for me and I wanted to understand it.

Bye!!