8th day!

I was thinking about how I used to suffer because of my mind and my energies experiences, what one thinks that is what is going on in existence. How I used meditation and spirituality to escape from that, how when in the days I used to stop reading the beautiful words my mind would start to suffer again and I would feel fear, fear of going to the same state of a locked mind I could not handle alone. So I was thinking about how with desteni I understood the real answer, responsability, and how I still have that mark that I used to feel months ago and during my whole life, a mark of... you are not free, there is no solution, you are powerless, and I covered this sensation with a lot of things in my life. With desteni I stopped having fear and accepted my own responsability. I had already stopped consuming drugs before I found these people so they came in the best moment possible. I used to think nah, this way top stop suffering, this view about my mind in a free state from this bad perception of a suffering existence, it's just a mind trick, but in no way reality, because reality is this. I know now how subjetive everything is, how one can be who he really have always desired to be, I separated myself from that long ago, and myself was hidded in a place where I could only desire and wish I could be that, but in no way I would become that love, and in some way I didn't deserve that love, because a human being needs integrity, so nobody can divide himself, so unless I would become  that strength, I would not be able to in fact be me.
This is not about desteni (it is, because they helped me) this is about the personal story of my life, in which I become what I have always been, this light or whatever word you want to put to it, the real manifestation of a soul, the soul tells you that unless you betray your own knowledge, your own instinct, your self, you don't have to be in pain, you can be free to express who you really are.

Yesterday in a concert an old friend of mine told me that she had never seen my smile like that, during my life I kind of wanted the world to tell me how good I was, because I knew that inside of myself, in the only place that exists, in honesty, I was not happy at all.
And to hear that from a good old friend was a concordance between my inside and the outside world. I didn't allow myself to be influenced by the opinion of this human, I couldn't because I knew who I was and I was complete and didn't need any validation. But I appreciated what she said, from my own integrity, it was a beautiful moment.



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