11th day

Hello, I am just here sharing what comes to me, nothing more and nothing less than that. Today I had a bad experience when I woke up this morning after getting highly drunk the night before with my friends, it was... I had fear and I was angry too, because with the alcohol still in my body I felt very lost, I was like, who am I? I just woke up and the past days I woke up and I did something but I wake up this time and there is nothing here, this is the life, this is my mind. In this particular state I felt: who am I? Why trust desteni about being against my own mind? I felt a dead of my spirit. This process is not really about desteni, it's about myself. I find that desteni helps my heart, in the sence that it can fly higher! It's more independent, and not like I am independent because I need it because I desire to be this, it's more like a true state of being that you get nothing from.  So now I have clear why I have trusted desteni, why I have changed in the last months, because I heard a message that inspired me, that could connect with the same message I know inside of me that is true.
I was scared this morning of not recognizing me, I understand how personalities work and I was like divided between a normal existence, the one I had in my life, where I don't have to do anything, I am just there, no awareness needed,  and the other, the one that starts moving for itself and seeing a path to fight for, a path that fills your soul for itself. So in that moment I was not the person I was in my past, and I was not the one I have been working with for this period of time, and it was a very unmagical moment. So even if I have got drunk a lot of times in my life, I see the consecuences it has on my spirit now.
I always find interesting with drugs how the body wants to clean itself, why would it want that? Do you imagine you take alcohol and it just remains there and becomes you? lul but no, the body will always have a map to clean itself if you allow it to work, so maybe the body each day upgrades  itself, I think so.

I have learnt for the first time that whenever I use drugs, it will have consecuences that I am gonna have to fix.
I love writing myself, it helps me a lot, it's like having pieces of my heart in words, and they will resonate in my eternity, like it's something I, the real I, have expressed, and it will always be a part of me. I know this is just a text, just words in virtual paper, and not like I'm writing a book here, just small texts about specific things, but there is something else, the inspiration I can create within me, for me, aswell as for the universe, and when the two sources are conected, me and the universe, as it should, I feel the inspiration!! haha


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